Now I might not know how to seduce guys with my moves on the dance floor – but I sure know how not to seduce guys on the dance floor. In a previous post, I mentioned briefly that a girl can become LORD OF THE DANCE in order to repel creepers. The goal is to dance in such a way that no man will:
a) Want to come near you
b) Be able to come near you
I realize now, however, that I was shockingly lax not to elaborate in more detail exactly how this feat can be achieved. There’s lots of clubs, dance parties, techno festivals, and any kind of dance “fun” in Europe you will experience and come across. At weddings even, everyone gets a little crazy on the dance floor.
So, without further ado, here we have it: my tried and true dance moves for repelling creepers, lotharios, and to be honest probably anyone else within a four meter radius.
If you’ve got long hair – use it! Make like Willow Smith and whip that hair back and forth until the centrifugal forces have covered your face and created an impenetrable shield through which no tongue can break through.
If you’re hair’s too short, just make your movements more violent and – voila! Headbanging! Your head is now a lethal weapon that no man can venture near without suffering a severe concussion.
The Back Bend
This works especially well if you’re a shorter lady and there’s a guy going in for an unwanted kiss. Simply sway and bend back… keep on dancing… but bend back lower. Imagine you’re in a limbo competition. Now no one can reach you without risking unbalancing, and you’re doing some useful back strengthening exercises. You’re welcome.
This is my personal favorite. Pretend you’re at a rave on E. Admittedly if you at a rave on E, then you’ll blend in fine – but there also probably won’t be creepers trying to grind on you, as everyone will be too busy in their own happy place. If you are in a club playing chart music, or salsa, or pretty much anything that doesn’t require Class A drugs to appreciate, however, then you’re gonna look really weird to be honest. But this is good. This is what we want.
The secret with this move is to keep it up – those fist pumps have got to look frenetic and energetic enough that they could do some serious damage if someone gets too close. Use both hands. Jump. Get into it. It’s great fun!
If you know how to breakdance: great! Do your stuff! It might attract attention, true, but it’s still pretty hard for a guy to try to come onto a lady who’s in the middle of a cheering circle.
If you don’t know how to breakdance: even better. You’ll be on the ground and repelling creepers in one fell swoop.
The Dance Off
If a guy is trying to dance with you and you don’t want him to be, take control of the situations and turns things on their head by challenging him to a dance off. Don’t do this with words, but through the power of dance. If he’s too chicken, he’ll probably back off fairly sharpish. If he takes you up on your offer: make like Kate Bush.
The School Disco
Remember when you were a kid and your idea of a dance routine was to mime out every song lyric, line by line, to the tune? Rekindle that mindset. Throw in the occasional Macarena routine for good measure.
The Whirling Dervish
There’s nothing worse than being in a club with men trying to grind up behind you or grab your ass left, right and center. Cover your bases by spinning like a top – preferably with arms outspread, to maximize the pervert-free radius around you.
The Über Fan
Be that person who is a little bit too into the music at a gig. It doesn’t matter if you’re not at a gig – in fact it’s better if you’re not. Sing along, or lip-sync, even if you don’t know the words. Clench your fists a lot and close your eyes. Imagine you’re on X-Factor and this is your moment to shine! By the time you’ve reached the second chorus, you should have cleared quite some space on the dance floor.
Now, if you rock any (or all!) of these moves when faced with an overzealous Latin lothario, generally the dude will respond in one of two ways: either he’ll look confused then leave, or he’ll join in and the two of you will tear up the dance floor – without the groping. Either way, EVERYBODY WINS.
If you have your own dance moves, tips or tricks, then please feel free to share!